I looked at my own cervix.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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