Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
