I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
