He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Blood and glitter go together right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
