I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize