So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
