I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
