how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
