my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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