Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
