I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
