I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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