Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
