Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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