He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
