Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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