Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize