How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
