i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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