i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I FOUND THE LEGS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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