you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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