Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
