if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
