just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
