bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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