She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize