there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
