I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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