So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
