If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
