just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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