the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
