I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
