The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
