i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
