My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize