dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
