this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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