I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
