he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize