Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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