my vag is so smooth its legendary
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
