CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
