Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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