we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize