i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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