i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
