we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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