this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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