Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
