Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize