They should really pass out barf bags in church
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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