So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i will never coherently bang her
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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