guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you had me at cake vodka
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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