Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
