So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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