you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
