The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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