Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
