You're my little dorito
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize