This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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