I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
