She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
