Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
