Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
