I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
