Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
