...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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