I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
