Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
