I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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