he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize