Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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