woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
