I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
