U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
