I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
