She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
