So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
