I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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