I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
