I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
