Apparently you make a good broom.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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