You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
