i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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