i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
