She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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