so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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