We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
