i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
