i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
