My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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