she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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