But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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