after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
