I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
