summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize