Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
