We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
did you just send me my own nude
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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